To the Man Who Mothered Me

Recognizing the love we often overlook

In 2010, I was single, carefree and loved it! For nine years in my twenties, I dated and had life full of “freedom” - no kids, no responsibilities.

But then came 2011, everything changed. My mom and my niece both passed away in the same year. “How messed up is that?” I remember asking the Universe that question over and over.

I was angry, lost, and felt completely unloved. I didn’t realize how much not having a mother would impact me. It was like being thrown into a dark, abstract world where I didn’t know where to turn.

I tried to find answers in all kinds of places. Then, my Aunt Tina, who’s kind of a spiritual guide in my life, introduced me to Spirit Library, a website full of new-age wisdom. She also got me to read The Celestine Prophecy, a book that cracked open my curiosity about the spiritual world.

Chasing Big Questions

That was the beginning of my spiritual quest. I became obsessed with life’s big questions: Where did my mom’s soul go after she passed away? Can she still connect with me, and if so, how?

I’ve had countless dreams where she’s vibrant, laughing, and alive. What I miss most, though, is her voice, especially when she comforted me in our native language, Bicol.

A Mountain Encounter

This guy came into my life. We met on a mountain climbing trip. He was there with his seven friends, and I was with five of mine. It was a rainy August day, and since the trek was a no-go, all 14 of us spent the night in a small nipa hut. We shared camp food, drinks, stories, and laughs.

There was so much smoke around the campfire that I had to step away. And that’s when it happened—he followed me out. This guy, THIS GUY, started challenging my beliefs about spirituality. It was unexpected, and weirdly enough, it was fascinating.

Who knew that encounter would turn into courtship, marriage, a move to a new country, and parenting together? We’ve shared losses, mental health struggles, and so many of life’s ups and downs.

Our love for mountain climbing continues to bind us (that picture above is from one of our trips in Mt. Gulugod-Baboy, Mabini, Batangas, Philippines in 2011).

A Realization of Love

I think back to my mom often. She used to cook, do laundry, and take care of everything for me and my siblings. She wanted us to focus on nothing but studying, and she succeeded. All of us became scholars from high school to college. At the time, I didn’t even consider how hard it must have been for her to mother all of us—and my dad!

My husband has done the same for me. When we migrated, our son was only one, so he stayed home with him while I worked in Manhattan. It was what worked for us. And ten years later, we’ve built a home together.

He mothered me when I felt down, homesick, or incapable of carrying on. He cared for me, fed me with home-cooked meals, and was there when I needed him most.

But I was too self-absorbed, too afraid of losing mental stability, to recognize how much he did.

• forgot to return the favor

• forgot to understand where he was coming from

That's why I’m making a conscious commitment to change for the better, to care more, to understand deeply, and to be extra compassionate.

Embracing a Higher Perspective

Life is short, yes, but I believe it’s also infinite. When we pass, our spirit carries on. And with that mindset, I’m learning to just BE. To embrace the moments, to see things from a higher perspective. It’s a choice that’s making me fearless, bold, unapologetic. I’ve learned to ignore the noise of the world, the petty distractions, and to focus on creating a life built on peace and purpose.

A Quiet Revelation

I realized my husband mothered me in ways I'm forever grateful.

• Here’s to recognizing the people who love us in ways we overlook.

• Here’s to the mothers, fathers, partners, and friends who hold us together when we feel like falling apart.

A promise: to love as deeply as I’ve been loved, to care for the ones who have taken good care of me.

My question to you: who has "mothered" you in unexpected ways, and how will you show them your appreciation and gratitude?