The Heart of a Selfless Mother

Story of My Late Mom: Olivia M. Salinas

She died 13 years ago due to diabetes and an enlarged heart.

I miss her pieces of advise. I miss the weekends when we talk about nail care. She said the way my dad had the cleanest toenails was proof that he had impeccable hygiene. Which means, my dad passed one of her many tests!

I miss her voice. One time, I cried like crazy because of a heartbreak. Couldn’t stop, won’t stop. For which she said, “Ibian sana yan, ne. Sige sana…” our dialect means, “Cry, and cry some more, let your tears flow, I’m here.”

I asked, “Why did it hurt like hell? Why is it that I can’t stop thinking about him? About us?” She patiently listened as I poured my broken heart. Her voice was so soothing. I can still hear her.

I miss her hands. Touch is something I realized old people crave the most. So when Mama was already weak and couldn’t get off the bed, I would massage her hands gently. Then, I’d tell her how my week went by. She would raise her eyebrows, and give me a sweet smile, as I continued on and on. That’s what I miss. Her never-ending willingness to listen, even if I sound like a broken record. She’d give me that reassurance that I can be weird, and wacky and wild, and just be who I am, with her. Oh, how I miss my Mama Yet.

Childhood Memories and Early Lessons

My mother, Olivia, whom her grandchildren affectionately called “Lola May” (Lola means grandmother), was an elementary school teacher. Her friends called her “Olive” or “Yet” (short for her original name, Violet). I called her Mama or Mama Yet.

She taught fourth grade at Bicol University in the Philippines.

One memorable day, she was a substitute for my Filipino class. As a shy child, I felt self-conscious with my mom as our teacher. I didn't know whether to raise my hand or stay quiet, but it was a fun experience to be with her teaching me and my classmates that day. I felt proud.

A Disciplined Home

Growing up, our home was clean and organized. My mom was a disciplinarian who valued quiet and order: everything must be placed or returned to its proper place (with labels!). She would sometimes get angry with me and my siblings if we didn’t behave - especially if there were visitors. We were obedient kids who studied hard and were honor students throughout elementary school. 

Our daily routine: 

• waking up at 6 AM 

• going to school

• doing our chores after school

• having dinner 

• studying 

• occasionally playing outside with neighbors

I loved my childhood in our safe province, surrounded by family and kind neighbors.

High School Years

My older sister, younger brother, and I were all scholars in high school. We studied in the city and lived in dormitories for four years. Our parents remained in the province. We saw them only twice a year during summer and holiday breaks. Our catch-up session was limited to three-minute long-distance calls because it was expensive (thanks a lot, Philippine Long Distance Company)! Their visits were rare, but our parents often sent boxes of goodies to supplement our dorm food. Despite the distance, my mom and dad were resourceful and worked hard for us to have an excellent education. I cannot thank them enough for that. 

College Struggles and Support

At the University of the Philippines, I initially studied B.S. in Electronics and Communications Engineering. Unfortunately, I burned out and didn’t enjoy my first two years. I was functioning like a zombie! My study habits were unhealthy, leading to irregular sleep patterns which would then force me to take a leave of absence. 

Eventually, my parents moved closer to where my brother and I studied. My sister, having graduated, became the breadwinner. My brother also helped with finances through part-time jobs. I felt like a failure for not earning for the family. So one time, I searched for jobs and all a 2nd-year college could apply for were call center or food industry jobs. I vowed to keep it together and make my mom proud by finishing my college degree. Shifting to B.S. Math where I majored in education was a good move.

With my Mama’s supportive (and a lot of times, funny) words plus constant loving care, I thrived. I balanced my studies with social activities, made lifelong friends, and even joined the Society of Math Majors. 

It was during this period in my life that I got to know Mama as an incredible, funny, witty, and super wise person who I became friends with. We became so close during those college years that I’d say it’s one of the best times of my life (so far)!

Lessons in Selflessness and Responsibility

My mom was selfless, caring not only for her children but also her grandchildren and my dad. She cooked, did laundry, managed finances, cleaned the house, and woke up early to care for the young children living under one roof. Even when my siblings got married and had children, my parents continued to provide support, taking care of their grandchildren while my siblings worked.

Looking back, my mom’s life is extraordinary. She did everything for her family. She’s a strong, huge-hearted human being, and I’m so proud to be her daughter. I love the word “yet” - it conveys hope and resilience. Like Mama:

• Yet, despite her endless workload, she remained a source of strength.

• Yet, even in moments of exhaustion, she found joy in caring for her family.

• Yet, even with challenges, she never lost her dedication.

If you’re an adult who still has a living mother, my request for you is, to have as many long conversations with your mom as you can. Believe me - you’d long for that voice when she’s gone.

If you’re not in good terms with your mom, play a different fairytale story in your mind. In your better version, she’s caring who listens, never judges and lets you be who you want to be now and in the future. You can create that.

Through stories of others who’ve gone through the same loss and trauma, you can gain comfort during days when you miss your loved one the most.

• Read books. Lots of them!

• Journal your pain away.

• Talk to someone or go to therapy.

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How has a loved one’s life touched you?