The Hardest Problems I’ve Ever Solved Weren’t at Work
What parenting, grief, and marriage taught me about attention, regulation, and repair.
February is…loud!
Hearts in every corner, red paper cutouts in school hallways, pink frosting on everything. It tells you what love should look like.
I want to share what love feels like when the decorations come down.
This is still problem-solving, though it’s about the problems inside a family, the kind you solve with presence, patience, and micro choices made over and over.
I’ve learned that love is not a mood. It’s practice with intention.
Practice solves things.
The Word Problem and the Quadratic
In 2019, I shared this post about helping my son understand a word problem:
First-grade math, and I was all in!
Now in 7th grade, he works on quadratic equations. Time moves fast, his math changes, my role stays.
Of all the titles I have carried (consultant, speaker, trainer, BA, PM, CSM), the one I guard the most is Mom.
I did not monitor every snack nor track every minute of screen time, but chose moments that count -
sat on the floor when he cried nonstop
listened when he explained a Fortnite world I did not understand
fought homesickness when the problem felt bigger than both of us
You cannot outsource presence.
You either give it, or you do not.
Here is what parenting taught me about problem-solving:
Most breakdowns are not logic problems. They are nervous system problems.
Before you fix the homework sheet, you steady the child first.
Before you correct behavior, you build safety first.
You can apply this to work tomorrow too:
When a teammate misses a deadline, ask what blocked the work before you point out the delay.
When a colleague loses their train of thought in a meeting, ease the tension before offering feedback.
When your manager snaps, check for stress before you defend your pride.
Solve the right problem.
Your Last Words
I watched an episode of a series where public figures record interviews that air after they die. It featured Eric Dane, who passed away from ALS. His message to his daughters was simple.
Be present.
Be here.
Embrace the moment in front of you.
Presence.
I asked myself,
If my family were to watch my final words five years from now, what would I want them to hear?
I would want them to say, “She was here, and she paid close attention.”
(…doing my best for this answer to be the guide on how I live today)
You say family comes first, your calendar tells the truth.
You say health matters, your sleep habits tell the truth.
You say connection counts, your phone usage tells the truth.
Love exposes priorities.
If something feels off in your home, do not rush to fix the surface issue. Audit your attention. Where does it go? Who receives the best version of you?
Love, expressed daily, solves more than once-a-year dramatic gestures ever will.
Falling in Love During Grief
I fell in love at a wake in 2011.
When we laid mom to rest, I stood there greeting relatives, and I felt hollow.
My husband was my boyfriend then. “Mae, is he your cousin?” high school friends asked. He moved through the room as if he belonged. He talked to titos and titas easily. He helped without being asked and offered wholehearted support.
Extreme grief tests people, it strips away charm, and reveals steadiness.
I leaned on him then in a way I never had before. I lost my mother, and I needed tender loving care. He stepped in.
A year later, during a tough mental health crisis, he did the same.
Then in 2014, when I started working in Manhattan, he stayed in our 1-bedroom apartment in Queens with our then one-year-old.
Our son, now 12, writes about having a great childhood (I see it in his Language Arts papers!). He says he grew up in a fun, loving home, and that’s priceless!
Here is what marriage taught me about problem-solving:
You learn who a person is during stress, not only during celebration.
Love is not intensity. Rather, love is reliability.
Shared hardship builds trust faster than shared hobbies or possessions.
If your relationship feels fragile -
Protect each other’s energy.
Speak with respect during conflict.
Consistency solves what chemistry cannot.
The Jealous Girl at the University of the Philippines (UP)
At 17-19, I walked through UP campus every February and watched girls carry balloons and flowers. I felt jealous. I wanted visible proof that someone chose me.
Years passed.
One day this month, I told my son I missed when his teachers helped him prepare Valentine cards for me. I missed the glitter and construction paper.
Then I remembered something from Nicole LePera’s book:
Practice love in micro ways.
Here is how I practice now:
I give myself what I used to wait for others to give.
I block quiet time on my calendar and treat it as sacred.
I say no to invitations that drain me.
I notice love already present.
When I lost my voice last week, I thought of Mama and her soothing tone. I felt cared for through memory. Love does not disappear when a person dies.
I let love evolve.
I do not love myself the way I did at 17. Back then, I chased approval. Now I protect peace. Growth changes how you love.
Here is the problem February creates.
—> It markets love as spectacle.
—> You compare your real life to curated displays. You feel behind.
But, you’re not. You’re living.
If envy creeps in, treat it as a signal. Ask what you believe love looks like. Question the belief. Replace it with something you can practice daily.
Solve the belief, not the holiday.
Co-Regulation Is a Skill
Most couples fight over bills, schedules, or tone, and I get it.
Underneath sits regulation, two nervous systems in a room.
You can learn to steady each other. Do this tonight:
Sit across from your loved one. Smile. Hold eye contact for thirty seconds. It will feel awkward. Stay.
Breathe together. Inhale at the same pace. Exhale at the same pace.
Stroke your partner’s hair. Feel your own body slow down.
Hug long enough (20+ seconds feels really good!) for your shoulders to drop.
Walk side by side and match steps. Let conversation take a back seat to rhythm.
These small actions calm the body. You solve conflicts faster when both people feel safe.
At work, the same rule applies.
A regulated executive makes better decisions.
A regulated manager corrects without shaming.
A regulated teammate listens without defensiveness.
Learn to regulate yourself. Then offer steadiness to the people you love.
That is advanced problem-solving.
Love as a System
You know I cannot resist a system.
Here is mine for love.
Attention —> means you notice
Reliability —> means you follow through
Repair —> means you fix what you break
Every strong relationship runs on these three.
Missed a soccer game? Repair.
Snapped during a snowstorm stress? Repair.
Forgot a promise? Repair.
Do not hide behind pride, own your impact, apologize.
When attention drops, resentment grows. When reliability drops, trust erodes. When repair drops, distance expands.
If your home feels tense, audit these three. Which one needs extra work?
Solve there.
What You Can Do Before The Month Ends
You do not need flowers to practice love (though a bouquet of tulips doesn’t hurt either).
Tonight, put your phone in another room during dinner. Ask your partner about their day and listen without fixing. Tell your child a specific thing you admire about their effort, not their outcome. Book the doctor appointment you keep delaying. Send a text or an email to your mentor thanking them for one concrete action.
Love thrives in details.
You solve disconnection through repeated small actions.
For You
If your family watched your final words in ten years, what would you want them to hear? Are you living in a way that supports that message today?
Love is not abstract.
It lives in calendars, tone of voice, shared dinners, and 20-second hugs.
I built a career on solving business problems. The hardest and most meaningful problems sit at home.
How do we raise a good child?
How do we connect during grief?
How do we love through growth, through struggles, through change?
You solve those through presence, reliability, and repair. February ends soon. The hearts will disappear from store shelves. Your family will remain.
Choose the problem worth solving.
If this resonated, share with someone who steadied you during a hard season. Love grows where you invest presence.
Solve there.