Grief, Healing, and the Memory of Love

Finding strength in the hardest moments

In 2011, my mother was cremated on my 32nd birthday.

It felt weird to hear “Happy Birthday, Mae!” while we were at my mom’s wake. The mix of celebration and sorrow was hard to handle. Even weirder was that I kept smiling that day, wanting to seem joyful and warm. Looking back, I realize I was in denial, protecting myself from the pain. It took me over a year to fully accept that Mama was truly gone.

Grief doesn’t follow a timeline. It’s not something you “get over.” Instead, it’s something you go through slowly. Some days feel impossible, while others feel lighter.

There is no “right” way to grieve

Right after Mama was cremated, I went back to work that Monday. It was my way of avoiding the emptiness.

But grief has a way of catching up with us. It comes back in unexpected moments—when you see a favorite color (hers was red), smell a familiar scent, or hear a song that reminds you of your loved one. Those seconds force you to face the pain.

If you’re grieving, give yourself the space to feel everything—even the hard days. Healing means learning to carry the memory with love instead of pain.

After a year, I finally gave in. I was so angry and unstable that my family had to take me to a mental facility. That was also the time when I was diagnosed with bipolar.

Some days, I would recall what happened, and I thought if I could have expressed my grief more healthily by being open to my loved ones, I could have avoided the hospital trip. It was probably meant to happen, too, so that I’d know the explanation for my erratic behavior (back then).

Loss Pushes Us to Change

Life keeps moving, even when we feel stuck in sadness. Losing Mama made me think about my life differently.

In the late 90s, Mama went to the U.S. while we were still in high school. She worked so hard to give us resources and better opportunities. She sacrificed a lot, dealing with loneliness to make our lives better.

When I face challenges now, I remind myself of her strength. If she could do all that for us, I could find the strength to handle my struggles.

Helping Others Helps You Heal

When I felt lost, focusing on others gave me strength.

If you’re grieving, make an effort to be there for someone else. Or to accept people in your live, even when, at times, you don’t feel like it.

A kind word, a home-cooked dish, or a simple coffee date can heal your heart.

I also thought of Mama’s simple but meaningful acts of care. I remember when I was working night shifts, she would cook my favorite food and prepare my bedroom with fresh blankets and pillowcases. She'd gifted me with a huge heart of caring for people.

Even when you’re hurting, there are still others who you can help and serve.

You Will Find Joy Again

The pain doesn’t go away completely, but it changes. It comes in waves. When Mama passed, I thought I’d never feel joy again. But little by little, the days got brighter, and the laughter came back. The sadness softened into something I could live with.

If you’re in a dark place, hold on. Remember, it’s okay to take your time. Happiness might feel far away now, but it will return. You will find peace.

Keep Going

Grief is a hard chapter, but it’s not your whole story. Life will push you to grow, thrive, and succeed. It will test your strength, but it will also reward you with resilience.

You’ve already survived so many tough moments. You are stronger than you think. You deserve fun and laughter again.

Final Thoughts

Lean on the love around you. Hold onto the memories that make you smile. Their spirit carries on, and so does yours.